It's time for a w(h)ine "God, she's funny" - Jilly Cooper 'Oh, for f*ck's sake' muttered Claire under her breath, as she opened the fridge to see what she could find for a no effort dinner. The children continued to fight behind her. They regarded any form of fish not encased in breadcrumbs as toxic, and were resistant enough to the delicious homemade fishfingers Claire had made for them, insisting they much preferred Captain Birdseye's version.

White wine was starting to look like quite an appealing dinner actually. Maybe just a small glass. 'Are you having wine, Mum? You know you're not supposed to have wine every night.

We did about alcohol units at school. That's quite a big glass of wine, how many units do you think are in it?' 'Bet the bastards didn't tell you that wine is remarkably good at cancelling out whining though, did they?' muttered Claire. Claire's family has gone nuclear.

Her precious moppets keep calling Childline when she feeds them broccoli, she's utterly Ottolenghied out at